Telling My Stories

A life lived outside

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How I Expect to Save the World- Part 1

Posted by catkisser on December 1, 2010

Up to now I have told stories of my past.  Few read this blog but I think it is time to talk about my present and how I got here.  It is no secret to anyone who reads this blog that I was born intersexed and surgically made transsexed at that birth.  That I lived the first part of my life as someone others saw mostly as male while I felt myself an alien to the world around me.  And finally I came to a crisis and “fixed” my body and life to reflect who I always felt myself to be……yawn, typical trans stuff in many ways.  What I have not written much about here is that I am a deeply spiritual person who feels an obligation to change the world by doing my part to awaken Goddess Consciousness in others in a spiritual awakening of humanity as that spreads.  I am a lifelong Pagan who has studied the occult and Paganism my entire life.  That has been combined with an absolute passion for ancient history.

For at least several entries, I’m going to talk about how I live my spirituality on a day to day basis.  I have been reluctant to do so up until now because there is a demented lawyer for the Town of Catskill that seeks out every word I write and attempts to twist them in order to “prove” we are not who we are.  Screw him, he’ll do it anyway and since he recently suborned perjury and perjured himself about us, his career is going to take a turn for the worse soon.

In the spring of 1999 I decided to formalize the religious practices I was conducting for myself and a few others and start holding public rituals on the four solar holidays at the ancient Serpent Mound in southern Ohio.  I was living in Ohio at the time, involved in trans-activism and working with Susan Davis on the recovery of the ancient Cybeline traditions.  The main source of material we were working with at that time was from the Roman period.  We called this new religious reclaiming the First Church of the Goddess and I renewed my clergy certification with the State of Ohio under my now changed name.  Susan Davis also registered as Ohio clergy at this time.  We conducted the Solar quarter rituals together while separately (she lived in Cleveland and I lived in Delaware Ohio) gathering groups together for full and new moon rituals.  I was passionate about recovering the role of transsexual priestesses in the Goddess traditions myself in order to let transsexual women know they had a history, an honoured one and a place outside medicine.  When I registered an internet domain, I chose for this reason.  In Roman times, the gallae were the transsexual (post op) priestesses of Cybele, the Great Mother Goddess.

When I transitioned I had lost my family and my business and bought an older mobile home in an older mobile home park in Delaware, Ohio.  I had set up a circle in my back yard with permanent concrete altar.  After an extended period of trying to find employment, I finally settled on getting certified as a nursing assistant having been a psychiatric aide in the mid seventies and loving that kind of work.  It was extremely hard work that paid little but I found that if I worked for an agency rather than an individual nursing home or hospital I could somewhat set my own hours and increase my pay to roughly that of an LPN.  I was also active at the UU church in Columbus and even led, along with two other women, a Pagan lay service restoring the idea of celebration of Cronehood that remains the best attended lay service in the history of that UU church with over 200 people taking part.

Having experienced first hand the extreme financial hit many newly transitioned transsexual women experience I also started thinking seriously about setting up a housing collective for newly transitioned women along the lines of either buying up one of the mostly abandoned towns in southern Ohio or a “trailer park” with a community centre building for common activities and food preparation.  At one of our Solar holidays I discussed this idea with two transsexual women who lived in the Catskills of upstate New York.  They were taken with the idea as well and eventually a fourth woman not involved in our religious activities also expressed a desire to work towards this goal.  I took a vacation trip to spend time with the Catskill women and we started to actively look for a place to set up our “transie trailer park” concept.  I also fell absolutely in love with the Catskills.  Around this time Susan Davis moved to Rochester, New York so it seemed our focus was about to change from Ohio to New York on all levels.

As a lifelong Goddess Pagan I had always known that if I trusted in Her, I would always have what I needed if not always what I wanted.  The price of this was to do Her work since I had been called in the ancient fashion in my dreams when I was only around three and four years old.  I knew I was to pursue this housing collective and eventually restore the ancient Goddess traditions as well.  I knew this on a level that words cannot express.  But being human, I also had a comfortable, if not prosperous life going with my little mobile home and a career I wished to pursue.  So I set about enrolling in LPN classes with an eye towards converting that eventually to an RN.  The Goddess will not be ignored and as soon as I did this, She decided to knock the pins from under me so I would do what I was supposed to.  She did this in the form of disabling me.  I had been rear ended twice a year apart and had to undergo physical therapy both times for whiplash and lower back injuries.  While working at a facility that was understaffed and poorly equiped, I was assigned an entire ward by myself with total care patients.  As I was transferring a rather large gentleman from his bed to a shower chair, the wheel locks failed on the chair and I had to frog march him to the wall in order not to let him fall.  When I did so, I felt something give in my lower back.  I was in extreme pain but could not go home.  Fifteen minutes later I had to transfer another man in the next room.  Just as I had him in midpoint to his chair, he threw his weight backwards and I felt another major pain in my lower back.  This time I was left barely able to even walk so I reported the injuries and went home.  The next day I went to the chiropractor that I was seeing regularly from the two auto accidents and he insisted I have an MRI on my back.  It revealed I had blown two discs in my back and also had spurs pressing on my spinal cord at the same locations.  There was no way I could work any longer as a nursing assistant or much of anything else.


2 Responses to “How I Expect to Save the World- Part 1”

  1. Kathy said

    I didn’t know about Ohio, but did know the rest! I think these articles are interesting. It’s good to learn more about my friend.

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